Why Going To Church Makes You Sad
Over 120 people per month search the term “going to church makes me sad.” According to Worship Leader Magazine, the average church size is around 200 people — that’s 60% of the average church searching for answers of why the church makes them sad. Why is this? What is happening in our churches, or in our culture, that makes many of us feel so low in church? Shouldn’t church be a place of beauty, community, and hope?
Yes, it should. But clearly it is not. Something has changed. The fact is our churches are sad places these days. That’s not to say every church is desolate, or even that generally churches preach on doom and gloom subjects.
What it does mean is church attendance is down — and churches are dying out. According to Lifeway Research, over the course of the pandemic over 4,500 churches closed permanently with only 3,000 starting. It was the first time since Lifeway Research started measuring the metric that more churches closed down than those that opened. Each week around 30% of the nation steps into houses of worship — down from 40% in 2012 — whether it be a church, temple, mosque, or the like (Gallup 2023). While those numbers are down, that’s still around 100 million people participating in worship each week.
So, yes, it’s sad to walk in the doors of a church and see attendance down. It’s sad to walk down the road and see a church closed down. And it’s sad to be a part of a church that closed down due to financial reasons or the pandemic. If going to church makes you sad, know that you’re not alone.
In 2019 I accepted a position as a Worship Pastor. At the time we were the largest church in town, averaging around 450-500 per Sunday. When the pandemic came in we shut down our doors entirely. We wanted to be a responsible church who took the health of our congregants and staff seriously.
But, as things started to open back up and people started to return, I’ll never forget that first Sunday we had only 120 people show up. It was quite frankly demoralizing as a young pastor. Numbers aren’t everything, but especially among Evangelical churches they are strong indicators that leadership uses to gauge the health of the church. The sentiment was if we’re not growing, we’re dying.
When we make church about things like growth, baptism counts, and how many people gave their lives to Jesus, it can feel demoralizing when our numbers aren’t as high as they used to be. It can feel like better days are behind us. It can feel like going to church makes us sad.
But if we reorient ourselves and prioritize quality vs quantity I think we can find that many of our churches are doing great things. Since the beginning of the Christian movement, Jesus never taught that our goal was to increase our church numbers, baptize more people, or even to up our numbers for those who profess faith in Jesus Christ.
The Great Commission is often seen as a place where Jesus instructs us to increase our numbers and to save as many souls as we possibly can. But, if we look at how Jesus did His ministry, who He spent time with, who He rebuked, and how He spent His time, I think we find Jesus wasn’t so concerned with numbers. Jesus was concerned with Loving others. Jesus stood with the hopeless, helpless, and those whom society and the religious leaders deemed as unworthy or unclean. The Jesus I see stood for unity. The Jesus I see stood for Peace. The Jesus I see stood for Love.
Why does going to church make you sad? Maybe it’s because some churches stand more for growth than they do for The Good. And maybe we need to challenge our church leaders, calling them to once again see that doing Good is not about seeing impact, it’s about doing Good for Good’s sake. To do Good just because to do so is Loving. That is the Jesus I see.
If going to church makes you sad, we encourage you to find someone who can help you navigate that sadness. Friends, family members, or even other pastors outside of the church you’re at can be great resources. We encourage you to seek help from someone who’s been in your shoes, someone who has also said “going to church makes me sad.”
Seeking professional counseling can be a great source of assistance in navigating your sadness. Tyler Nicodem is a former pastor and works with many churches in the Nashville, TN. area in helping their congregants navigate their Christian faith, church hurt, and religious trauma. Contact Us today to get clear on why going to church makes you sad.
Sometimes, navigating that sadness can lead us to finding a new church. Find a church that does Good for Good’s sake. Find a church that is abounding in Love, promotes unity, and free thinking. If you’re committed to your church or don’t want to leave, know that that is completely normal, understandable, and valid.
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